I'm micromanaging me!

As I sit at my beautiful roll top desk and contemplate my day, my life, my children and marriage, I keep coming back to one theme. I'm a MICROMANAGER. Most days I feel like President Business from "The Lego Movie" and I want to bring in more and more machine micromanagers to help me through my day. I need a robot to manage waking up in the morning, making breakfast for my family, calming down before yelling at my children for being children, eating 15 times a day for this little person taking up most of my insides at this point. Can't you see?? I want to manage this all! I want to make sure its done right! I don't want to ask for help! What is wrong with me??

There is nothing inherently wrong with me...but life has a funny way of making sure your life gets real screwed up so you have to always question your, well, life. I'm a good mom. I do what I think is best for my kids, I spend time with them, and most times I even like it! But what is this need for me, and perhaps others out there, to micromanage their own lives?? (Not to mention the rest of the family) How come I'm not the type of mom or wife that can just pick up and go have fun? IT STRESSES ME OUT. I want things to be perfect suitable for the situation, not haphazardly put together. If it were up to my husband, he would come home from work on a Friday evening, announce we were going camping, and he would load the kids in the car and go. IT STRESSES ME OUT. 

Its 9:40 at night, and its finally summer here in the town closest to the freaking North Pole, and I'm enjoying the summer breeze come through my window, and thinking about where I live, and how much I love my family...truly enjoying the moment...but creeping up in my head is the kitchen, and how it needs a mothers touch right now...and about tomorrow, and how the family decided to play with friends tonight vs. taking baths in preparation for church tomorrow. I need to constantly remind myself to TAKE A CHILL PILL. 

I recently hired a Doula to help MANAGE my 4th childbirth experience. She's the coolest chic I've almost ever met aside from my mom and sister. She's so super calm and collected and just goes with the flow. She recently told me that my biggest challenge with having this baby, is how I get from my home to the hospital (an hour and 20 min drive) without freaking out and stalling my labor completely (like I managed to do with my 3rd). How do I, in my own life, stop freaking out and avoid stalling the "labor" of life? Meditation? Yoga? Breathing? Probably all of that would help, but I think the real truth behind this is to just let things be. Tell myself that life will go on if we eat chili from a can warmed by the engine of our 15 passenger van. Life will go on if my 5 year old still manages to spill more food than gets in her mouth. Life will go on if the dishes don't get done tonight. 

Moral of the story? Life will go on.